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Joke of the Day

"""Let's fly to Russia, get a bucket of water from the Caspian Sea, then put it above the door so it falls on Jeff!"" - Impractical joke"

"Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you're working."

"Robocop seems pretty cocky for a guy that can't swim."

"If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies? A Swallow"

"I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins."

"Know what ""buffet"" stands for? Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together. Credit: This loud big ugly fat fucker drinking a few tables away from me at this bar."

"I really hope the word ""sodomized"" doesn't appear in my autopsy report."

"I'd rather have a laptop than an iPad. At least you can slam it shut when your lady walks in."

"I'm not saying I don't like you, but if you had an open wound I'd hand you a salt shaker."

"Mr Circle went to go see a doctor after being stabbed... The doctor said his blood loss was very sphere"