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Joke of the Day

"You're a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians."

"Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts."

"What did the ghost say to the bumblebee? BOO BEE!! <insert titty-twister here>"

"I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious... She's asked me to move out with her..."

"""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Santa."" ""Santa who?"" ""Santa who has to use the door because you left your fireplace burning, jackass."""

"A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for sexual harassment because I've been giving her ""inappropriate massages during work"" I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here."

"I'm setting more realistic New Year's resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing my wife."

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health..."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. -Jackie Mason"

"Why are setups to jokes so important? because seven ate nine."

"I was watching tv with my mom & she was amazed a blind guy didn't care his son was missing & I was like outta sight outta mind am I right"