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Joke of the Day

"You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*"

"This generation will go down as, perhaps, the greatest in history at taking pictures of themselves."

"""Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship"" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share."

"We get it, painters: you love naked women and bowls of fruit."

"Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names."

"Where do you bury a donkey? In an asshole!"

"What do 2 Chinese people call their black child Sum ting wong"

"The mall Im a New Yorker, and I hate malls. I like to compare them to hell. The average mall has seven levels, the people their want you to go to the mall, and everyone there is republican"

"I saw a lady texting and driving today I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her."

"Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love? A: They got married in the spring."