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Joke of the Day

"I heard diarrhea is hereditary It runs in your jeans"

"My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid. I had to put my foot down."

"Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.."

"I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants."

"What do you call 1000 emo kids at the bottom of the ocean? A good start."

"WIFE: [holding newborn baby] Ive never been so proud of anything in my life ME:[thinking about that one time I drew a perfect giraffe] same"

"I love the F5 key... It's very refreshing."

"Suicide is like marriage... Once one person in your group does it a few more follow suit."

"I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up."

"Oops. Everyone brought their ""see you next year""s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture."