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Joke of the Day

"what has nine legs, four feet and orange? Nothing, fuck off"

"A philosopher says to the linguist... ""What if, instead of periods, woman had apostrophes?"" The linguist replied, ""They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions."""

"I submitted a glass pane in for a competition. I'm hoping I can window."

"Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics? Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration. (all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)"

"Him: Sometimes you can be a little... loud. Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM A DELICATE FLOWER"

"Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come."

"This one time in high school I was called to the front of the class while I had hardest boner I ever had. It was the only time I thanked God for giving me a micro penis."

"I cut my finger on a beer can last night. Now I know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend."

"A man had sex with a baby horse [nsfw] He was clearly into pedo-filly-a"

"Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too all year round."