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Joke of the Day

"Two plates go into a resteraunt One plate says to the other, "" Don't worry I'll pay for the meal."" The other plate replies, "" No dinner is on me."""

"When those Subway ""$5 Footlong"" commercials come on, every man is quietly calculating how much his penis is worth."

"I used to be a plastic surgeon. Which raised a few eyebrows. (Credits: Stewart Francis. Look him up, this guy is hilarious)"

"Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn't mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae"

"Why is a bear brown? Because he crawls in his hole during winter."

"An axe walks into a forest... An axe walks into a forest and the trees say, ""At least the handle is one of us."""

"A pine tree planted in 2004 in memory of former Beatle George Harrison in a Los Angeles park has died after being infested by beetles."

"Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark."

"What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot? ISIS"

"Me: LARGE FRY! McDonald's Manager: Ma'am, you can't use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW Me: I WILL CUT YOU! *sirens*"