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Joke of the Day

"Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn't mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae"

"My wife has just got a job at the local sewage works. I reckon she will be the best shit stirrer they have ever had."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook? A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now"

"Sex is like Math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!"

"Women should be like a well placed rug You should be able to lay them then leave them"

"The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they'll erase what they did during the week."

"Got fired from my job at the deli for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer. The pickle slicer kept her job cuz she is the boss's daughter"

"At my funeral I want the picture of me next to the coffin to have eyeholes cut out with someone behind it glaring at people coming in."

"(Works better spoken) The seaman was asked what he was doing when he got out. He said when he got discharged he'd be buried in pussy."

"[NSFW] I've been 1 week in college and already had five times the sex I had in 3 years of highschool. 5x0=0"