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Joke of the Day

"Me: LARGE FRY! McDonald's Manager: Ma'am, you can't use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW Me: I WILL CUT YOU! *sirens*"

"I got sacked as a tour guide in Vatican City. As I was talking about the pope, we turned a corner and I said, ""Ah, speak of the devil""."

"I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider."

"What do you call batman when he runs out of church? Christian bale"

"What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal? A polar bear"

"I don't trust people who say ""I married my best friend"" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage."

"Lance Armstrong got emotional during his Oprah interview, but numerous sources are reporting that he used performance enhancing onions."

"Walking around the kitchen like Pac-Man when you're hungry."

"Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls."

"What is the best way to pick up American girls? With a crane."