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Joke of the Day

"Just like to give a shout out to the guy who plays triangle in our orchestra. Thanks for every ting."

"Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: ""The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"""

"When I was young I was so poor I had to jerk off the dog to feed the cat"

"Honestly, after an hour of Disney Channel I don't give a shit about the future"

"If I have three bags of sour skittles and a child steals one bag of my sour skittles. What will I have at the end of the day? Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide."

"A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg. Authorities say something sinister is afoot."

"Is your refrigerator running? Cause I might vote for it."

"Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted? Diversion Mary"

"Children are demo versions of humans."

"Three Jews walk into a bar... ...and head straight to the back room to check the books to see how much profit it's been making. Because they own the bar. Because they're Jews."