57668

Joke of the Day

"Three Jews walk into a bar... ...and head straight to the back room to check the books to see how much profit it's been making. Because they own the bar. Because they're Jews."

"What do women and floor tiles have in common? If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years."

"One time I was holding this little girl's hand walking through the woods at night. She said: ""I'm scared!"" I said:"" Well then how do you think I feel? I gotta walk back alone!"""

"When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name; 9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication."

"I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn't put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes"

"On our way to husbands vasectomy he asks *do you think they'll want me to remove my socks?*. I don't know what he thinks is about to happen."

"What happens when you double park your frogs? They get toad!"

"I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone. The police officer said ""I've been waiting for someone like you all day."" I promptly replied ""Well I got here as fast as I could!"""

"Expected delivery while I was out so left courier a note saying ""Please leave with neighbour"". I've just seen them heading off together."

"With the decline of newspapers worldwide, staff in-house have been referring to the obituaries as the Subscriber Countdown"