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Joke of the Day

"Why don't paperclips move around a lot? They like being stationery."

"Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened."

"Accidentally ran the wash with Ecstasy still in a back pocket. Now my jeans are freaking out, and the zipper won't stop grinding its teeth."

"ME: it's horrible. I would wish it on my worst enemy GUY: you mean *wouldn't* ME: hahahahahaha you're sweet"

"What do you get when you cross a Jew? Christianity."

"Say friends, why is it tough to play poker with cattle farmers? They're always raising the steaks!"

"What do you call a Spanish midget? A paragraph. Because he's not a full essay."

"I asked my dad if he ever got around to checking out the cookbook I wrote. He said yeah, and it was about thyme."

"The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice."

"If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends they might not give you a chance to change your mind..."