39781

Joke of the Day

"There's only one problem where tears are the solution... and that's forgetting to pack your contact lens cleaner."

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes"

"That's great about your engagement, promotion and new car. I grabbed the EXACT amount of hangers I needed to put away laundry. Samsies!"

"How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn? They kick a Can"

"My wife and I tried anal for the first time... is it supposed to hurt this much? i couldn't sit upright for a while..."

"A black person is walking down the street carrying a 4K TV I thought, 'that looks like mine!'. But then I remembered, my black person is at home doing laundry"

"[TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND] 'Oh yeah, I love to cook!' *removes salad from the microwave"

"The Blonde Waitress Customer: Can I have some coffee without cream please? Blonde Waitress: We are fresh out of cream, sir. Can I bring you coffee without milk instead?"

"Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?"

"There's a black man in my family tree... He's been hanging there for a while now."