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Joke of the Day

"What's better than winning a silver medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded"

"I'm officially starting my campaign next election And my slogan will be ""Hindsight 2020"""

"Couldn't tell if this really hot chick just waved at me in her car, or if she was just putting the sun visor down."

"I spent the night on a 4th dimensional alien ship. Surprisingly the surroundings were very familiar. Except in the bathroom they had a glory cube."

"Not paying more than $2,000 a kilo. And can we stop communicating through Twitter? I feel like these DM's are going to go public someday."

"what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun"

"Some people's decisions are based in fear, others are based in beer."

"An archeologist found a tampon. He wondered what period it was from. (Not my joke! Credit to Shane Koyczan's poet friend)"

"What does Agatha Christie call a group of almost every type of bird? A Murder of Most Fowls!"

"One Eskimo said to the other, ""Where is your mother from?"" The second Eskimo says ""Alaska."""