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Joke of the Day

"What did the Banana do when he was accused of drowning his children and slowly torturing his wife to death? He appealed. He *appealed*."

"[interview] ""What's your strongest trait?"" My fingers. ""No, like... Are you pinching me??"" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB"

"Hey look, Grandma! You made the cover of ""Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly"" again. ""What good is she to anyone?"" it says."

"If I text ""HAITI"" to American Idol, will they send the contestants there?"

"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."

"Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job."

"Why do cannibal children go to the hospital? Because their mothers told them to eat their vegetables."

"I love when my friends start selling weight loss shakes because that's one less person I ever have to talk to again."

"Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? [NSFW] Because it's full of Arab seamen."

"what did the tampon say to the other tampon as they passed each other in the street? NSFW nothing. they were both stuck up cunts!"