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Joke of the Day

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

"My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... ...either way he's full of shit."

"Why dont blind people skydive? because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"""They are more afraid of you than you are of them."" -people who know even less about me than they do about bears"

"What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin"

"[blind date] (don't let her know ur a dog walker) ""So what do u do?"" Well, I'm like a- [13 dogs jump up on the table and eat her dinner]"

"I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out."

"Knock knock. Who's there? She. She who? She'd ............................ get it"

"What do they call pita bread in Mexico? Pita pan"

"Why do Americans write ""color"" instead of ""colour""? Because fuck ""u"", that's why."