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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... ...either way he's full of shit."

"There's no 72 virgins, guess where terrorists actually go when they die? *explosion* EVERYWHERE!"

"""That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-"" ""Neil! Stop."" ""I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"""

"There is a chair The chair walk, with shoes! La-la-la-la-la! It walk on the street. The chair is walking."

"My daughter knows what a meth lab is thanks to an episode of The Simpsons. At least that's what I had to tell child services just now."

"I'm so embarrassed! My wife caught me measuring my cock! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"A guy and his dog Guy walks up to his dog and says ""I need a divorce"" The dog replies ""yeah, my wife is a bitch too."""

"Why was the cake afraid of mobsters? He knew they were going to ice him."

"Me: you have a good head on your shoulders Neck: ok wow, i'm like right here"

"Four out of five dentists recommend brushing to deal with plaque. The other one recommends attaching a lion head to it."