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Joke of the Day

"I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out."

Next Joke
 
"What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now"
"If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza."
"Love your friends, crop dust your enemies in a crowded elevator."
"I won a swimsuit contest the other day I ate 57 swimsuits"
"I am friends with 25 letters from the alphabet I don't know y EDIT: Credits to Chris Turner."
"Someday, I hope to befriend a friendly panhandler & learn the secrets of handling pans firsthand."
"6: Dad what's a Kardashian? Me: Nobody really knows... 6: Sounds really stupid Me: I love you"
"How do you get a woman to scream twice? You do her in the ass, then wipe it off on the drapes."
"How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS? Skin color."