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Joke of the Day

"Most of my life consists of trying to keep up with what's not cool so I can be sure to avoid any small talk."

"I'm not afraid of someone who threatens to open up a can of whoopass on me... I'm much more afraid of the people who can the whoopass to begin with."

"Stopped drinking coffee 3 days ago, and feel less and less addicted to caffeine with every new cup of my own pee."

"Why can black people jump so high Because their knee grows."

"What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? A quarterback."

"Believing that you are popular or ""famous"" on twitter... ...is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly."

"I once tried to pick up a lady with a sausage joke.. ..I don't think it could have gone any wurst"

"What did the little black kid think when he got diarrhea? He was melting"

"Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7"

"How do you make an orange turn red? Get John Boehner to cry."