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Joke of the Day

"Stopped drinking coffee 3 days ago, and feel less and less addicted to caffeine with every new cup of my own pee."

"What helps put a Jew to sleep? gas"

"Sent out a mass text invite to my pity party & Autocorrect turned it into a pita party. Now I'm eating hummus with people I don't even like."

"What did God say when he made the first black man? ""Damn, I burnt one."""

"What do i have in Common with neutrinos? We're both constantly penetrating your Mom."

"Did you hear about the guy from Prague wearing armor? The Czech's in the mail."

"What do you call a lazy sandstone? A sedentary rock."

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not."

"What do you call a smarty pants? ...... A jeanius"

"How do you confuse a blonde? You don't. They're born that way! "