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Joke of the Day

"ME: i'd like to get rid of all this PERSONAL TRAINER: you're just making like one sweeping gesture around your entire body ME: and my head"

"""Hand me downs"" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby."

"What do you call an empty cheese whiz jar? Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one."

"All the problems fade before a hangover"

"you know what really turns on a nerd? unprotected wifi"

"What's the difference between a white guy and a pizza? A pizza doesn't shoot up a school."

"What do you call a snake that makes a lot of noise when it eats? A slurpent."

"I Can control sheep just by listening to them I herd it with my own ears"

"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."

"My wife showed me her baby photos. She said, ""Here's one of me when I was 3."" I replied, ""Wow, and there's me thinking you were like a fine wine."""