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Joke of the Day
"[2 months into relationship] HER: you've changed ME: [proudly] showered, too"
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"The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south."
"I say: ""No, sorry. I'm not on Facebook at all."" They hear: ""I live amongst hill people where The Goat we worship has forbidden friendship."""
"""Vini Vidi Venti"" --I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks."
"What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? Coach."
"""You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"" It always felt like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation..."
"I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box."
"#ReplaceACelebWithAHouseHoldItem Nail Patrick Harris"
"Stubbed my toe this morning. It's because I received a chain letter in 1992 and only sent it to four of my friends."
"Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time."