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Joke of the Day

"I say: ""No, sorry. I'm not on Facebook at all."" They hear: ""I live amongst hill people where The Goat we worship has forbidden friendship."""

"What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan? Osama bin Latte"

"Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby. Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I'm going to out live you too."

"Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids."

"My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: ""Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"""

"What's the most scandalous of the wonders of the ancient world? The Colossus of Scrotes."

"Indiana Jones: [screaming as his hand is crushed under a door] ARRGGHHH! WHY? WHY DID I REACH FOR MY HAT? I OWN SO MANY HATS!!"

"Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday."

"""I've got chills. They're multiplying."" ""Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--"" ""And I'm losing control."" ""Sir!"""

"2 words can open up many doors in your life. Push and Pull"