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Joke of the Day

"Him:I'm not going to use this taxi company again. They nearly killed me this morning Me:don't be so hasty darling...give them another chance"

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!"

"What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years? Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016"

"I was going to say a gay joke but fuck it."

"I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940."

"Where am I? I don't know where I am, but there's a huge nuke in front of me, obviously supposed to be secret. I'm terrified. I ran."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he's very well off and he can afford the finest ingredients."

"What did one redneck say to the other? If you were anymore inbred, you'd be a sandwich."

"Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat? So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen."

"pleas tune into my next podcast where i ask what the FUCK angry birds is and viciously mock the first piece of shit caller to answer me"