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Joke of the Day

"I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops."

"Hey baby, are you a carrot? Because I want to chop you into little pieces."

"""Money isn't everything,"" I say, poorly."

"what is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet"

"In American politics, what's important is that you pick one of two equally bad sides and defend it no matter the awful garbage it produces"

"A fat person doesn't eat what's right but eats what's left."

"What would you call Martin Luther king Jr if he was white? Alive."

"I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless."

"Why do pigs run from medicine? They hate getting cured."

"My girlfriend hates when I correct her grammar. She's like ""What's with all the red pen marks in my diary?"""