183367

Joke of the Day

"me: it smells like updog in here me: what's updog me: not much dog what's up with you lmao me: lol therapist: I see"

"What do you call a Clinton with no legs? Doesn't matter. She won't come. Edit: oops, wrong type of Bitch."

"Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it."

"I've been waking up with a headache for years Unfortunately I'm married to it."

"True story My dad ate whale in Japan but it wasn't on porpoise."

"Damn girl, are you Nutella? Because I want to spread you and eat you."

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly want to be late for work today either but it's not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair."

"Did you hear Uber and Lyft are merging? They're rebranding as ""Luber: For when you need to come fast!"""

"Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out"

"REQUEST: any Greg Giraldo jokes or is it still too soon? I think the world is ready. Shoot!"