185429

Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you Nutella? Because I want to spread you and eat you."

"Breaking up with your significant other is like bowling You carry something heavy going into it, and if it goes as planned, you walk away with an X."

"I love smiling at random people. Some of them smile back. Some of them get really creeped out, but that makes it worth it."

"A jaguar asked an colourful arsehole with a big nose to join him in hide and seek... Toucan play that game."

"Patient: Doctor my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them."

"There was an explosion at a toy factory... Only 1 injury reported. A security guard had plastic horses lodged in his rectum. Doctors say he is in ""stable"" condition."

"[Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit"

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me."

"2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store."

"My neighborhood barber just went to jail for dealing drugs... I never knew he was a barber.."