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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend... I told me friend that I found a girlfriend. They laughed at me and told me she was imaginary. Now the joke is on them, turns out that they are also imaginary."

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"What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A dictator."
"Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to ""Vintage Hams""] Hipster: I'll take 4"
"I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia."
"Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa."
"What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary? A hedgehog."
"Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"
"Molestation is no laughing matter. For most, its a very touchy subject."
"How do we create jobs? I thought he was already dead"
"Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, ""Which one is yours?"" Say, ""I haven't picked one out yet!"" It's worth it."