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Joke of the Day

"Changed my name in Mrs.B's phone to 'Marty McFly'. Sent her a text saying 'be outside Argos at 12pm - we're going back'. She hasn't txt back"

"How do you call two guys on a motocycle? Fucking morons; they could have stolen two motocycles!"

"My sausage-addicted friend died in a car crash. Apparently, he took a turn for the wurst."

"My girlfriend wants me to talk dirty during sex, but I feel weird swearing at a 12 year old."

"What chews on trees and sings? Justin Beaver"

"Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*"

"France is a shitty country... Even the Nice parts are rundown."

"Put a kid in a lake or a river and they never want to come out. Turn on a shower and it's like you're blasting them with nuclear waste."

"Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!"

"I am a massive massive MASSIVE worrier. I can't stress enough."