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Joke of the Day

"Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-"

"Age 20: Gotta get ripped for Spring Break! Age 25: Exercise reduces stress! Age 35: My doctor says I'll die immediately if I don't do this"

"What do you get when you watch 'Cinderella' backwards? A woman in her place..."

"I reverse engineered a time machine... Eureka!"

"Worst thing about having a one-syllable name: Every ""Happy Birthday"" singer stretches it out awkwardly to fit the song. ""Paaaa-aul"""

"When I'm sick, I just remember my mother's sage advice: Feed a cold, starve a fever, and drown a soul-crushing depression in food and booze."

"Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once."

"I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock."

"Whenever I'm waiting for an elevator & the door finally slides open I pretend I'm on a Game Show & just won a group of people"

"How Do You Start An African Rave? staple toast to the ceiling..."