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Joke of the Day
"I reverse engineered a time machine... Eureka!"
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"Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine? When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)"
"Can you believe Five Guys is a hamburger place and not an orgy store?! I'm too under dressed and overlubed to eat a hamburger now."
"One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers."
"Had tea instead of coffee this morning & now I play a house servant in the new season of Downton Abbey."
"Why did the guy wear sweatpants to his prom? Strictly Ballroom."
"Jesus walked on water? Big deal. I can too. Let's see him walk on Vodka"
"What's a Russian's favorite snack? Chechen Nuggets"
"""Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country."" -His 3rd wife"
"Why are white people the scariest in prison? Because you know they're guilty."