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Joke of the Day

"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"

"I like to use the Ouija board to pester my dead husbands."

"What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines? They both think they can fly."

"This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death's door kinda voice. I'ma see if she'll record my voice mail message."

"It was mealtime on an airplane... ...and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner. ""What are my choices?"" he asked. ""Yes or no,"" she replied."

"Makes sense Apple fans would buy a MacBook candle... ...They're already used to the smell of burning synthetic materials and watching their money go up in flames."

"I wanted venison for dinner But my wife said it was a little deer."

"Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!"

"Some days, I just like to live wild and dangerous... These are the days I say to a woman, ""calm. the. fcuk. down."""

"Knock Knock....who's there? SUPRISE MUTHER FUCKER!"