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Joke of the Day

"Some days, I just like to live wild and dangerous... These are the days I say to a woman, ""calm. the. fcuk. down."""

"Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door."

"Trying not to take my dog's sighing personally."

"If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved."

"Algorithm A former vice president playing the drums"

"My company's health plan is a guy who comes to your house when you're sick and yells, ""DON'T YOU QUIT ON ME!"""

"What's E.T. short for? Cos he's only got little legs"

"A Christmas Wish Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa, Dear Santa Claus Please send me a sister for Christmas Santa wrote back, Dear Little Johnny Please send me your mother"

"A baby seal walked into a club ..."

"We had a muslim friend.. Who was always late to the class. We used to call him 9/12. Edit: he is still my best friend."