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Joke of the Day
"*sees spider in the shower* Oh jeez I'm sorry lock the door next time buddy"
Next Joke
"Our last fight was my fault.. My wife asked me ""whats on the tv?"" I said ""dust."""
"Good things about drinking on the plane: 1. You don't have to drive. 2. No matter how much you drink, they can't throw you out."
"[on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach ""that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous"" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok"
"So I'm balls deep in this guys ass and I go ahead and try to give him a reach-around... And he was hard.. How fucking gay is that?"
"What do you call a fish that is good for your bones? An orthopedic sturgeon. :D ?"
"How does a skeleton solve a problem? With the bare-bones approach."
"*Robocop smashes tail light* Uh oh, that's a citation *He drops a bag of weed* Damn that's 20 years *Robohippie starts to sweat*"
"""just get thru the 1st day without them finding out youre an elephant"" IT dude: ""ok here's your new mouse"" [just fkn destroys the place]"
"What kind of food do the cool fish eat when they study math? Algae bru"