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Joke of the Day

"*Robocop smashes tail light* Uh oh, that's a citation *He drops a bag of weed* Damn that's 20 years *Robohippie starts to sweat*"

"Panic rooms are a great way to protect yourself during home invasions or like if you forget your wife's birthday."

"I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids... ...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed."

"Interviewer: Where do you want to be in 5 years? Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then."

"Why do white girls like odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan."

"I need to buy a new inflatable love doll. The one I have now is almost full."

"My jokes are like hot chicks Hard to get, and when you do they are not anywhere near as good as you thought they would be"

"My best friend ran away with my wife.... I miss him."

"No one beats the Jackson 5! Except their father."