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Joke of the Day

"Don't answer the door after dark because it might be an orphan in a basket and ain't nobody got time for that."

"I'm the guy in charge of making the room smell nasty in the Glade commercials."

"What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer... I give a shit when my computer crashes."

"I used to have a voice like Justin Bieber... then I turned four."

"Mother's Day is once a year... But Sunday is once a week!"

"Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop."

"I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed."

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't still screw."

"Why do bears poop in the woods? So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!"

"A Bug's Mind What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when he crashes into a windshield? His asshole."