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Joke of the Day

"The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020. That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III."

"I got arrested for feeding homeless people on the streets the other day... And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun."

"Something I don't think we're doing nearly enough of as a society is building giant mysterious structures to confuse future archaeologists"

"I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years... I don't have 2020 vision."

"What gets a gold digger off? Goldman Sachs"

"Scientists have successfully grown vocal chords in a petri dish The results speak for themselves."

"Why do people starve? When food tastes so good."

"I ate so many chickpeas... I falafel!"

"You think life as a woman is hard? Try peeing with an erection."

"What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have the other thinks you have what he treats."