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Joke of the Day

"I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit."

"What is Miley Cyrus's favorite color? Twerquoise"

"They tried it standing up, sitting down and bent over the kitchen table but it was no good - they just couldn't get a decent wi-fi signal."

"What was the first thing the emcee said at the pornography convention? Thank you all for coming!"

"Why do dogs run in circles? Because it's harder to run in squares."

"EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this? Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese."

"What do you call breakfast? Breaking fast yooo!"

"Hey, can everyone stop making new movies and TV shows for a while so I can catch up?"

"My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was ""well I have known chicken longer..."""

"An SQL query walks into a bar ... Walks up to two tables and says: ""CAN I JOIN YOU?""; ---- ^^^Sequel ^^^to ^^^this ^^^joke ^^^coming ^^^soon"