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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If you're in public and you need to fart Don't hold it in, because it'll go to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from."

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"Sex is a lot like eating It starts with the mouth and ends in the arse"
"Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time"
"JUDGE: I may send u to jail. But if u act less condescending, I'll let u go free ME [waving goodbye to my family] u mean condescendingLY"
"Why are all Stormtroopers virgins? Because they don't hit anything."
"What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A wet nose."
"In Soviet Russia... ...bar raise you!"
"Me: *unfreezes cro-magnon woman I uncover on an arctic expedition* Cro-magnon woman: ""I have a boyfriend."""
"Somewhere in another dimension there is a Lingerie store called Victoria Secretes where all the panties already come with discharge on them"
"(WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes..."
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