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Joke of the Day

"(WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes..."

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"Why did Russia close all of its airports? The planes were stalin."
"""I set all the cattle free."" - Reverse Cowgirl"
"If an object falls at 500ft/s how far must Mohammed run to escape the blast?"
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
"Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person."
"In spite of what you might have heard, some pretty magical things happen behind dirty dumpsters in shady alleys."
"Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison? A: Some asshole brings 'em in."
"Why don't women wear watches? Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove"
"Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy on my pants to give me an excuse to leave early. The real trick is sneaking the gravy into church."
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