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Joke of the Day

"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wipes his butt"

"What is the difference between a Mountain Lion and a Guppy? A Guppy likes to muck around the fountain; a Lion likes to fuck around the Mountain."

"""Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?"" ""Sure."" ""Great! Thanks for participating."""

"Why did Stephen get an A on his test? He held his teacher at gunpoint and forced her to give him a good grade despite the fact he got an F."

"The sharpest part of the body is not the teeth... Your asshole is the sharpest. Your teeth can't cut shit."

"Fake is the new trend and some of my friends seem to be in style!"

"Tim Vine came up to me. I said,""Hey, you're Time Vine!"" He said,""My name's not Tim Vine, it's Timbuktu."" He paused. ""Sorry, I was miles away."""

"My husband just got to level three on netflix: ""faking an illness"" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: ""faking your own abduction"""

"I was going on my first date and my mom gave me a whistle... I asked her what purpose does this serve to which she replied, ""to remind you not to blow it."""

"Then Satan said, ""Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free."" And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015."