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Joke of the Day

"Tim Vine came up to me. I said,""Hey, you're Time Vine!"" He said,""My name's not Tim Vine, it's Timbuktu."" He paused. ""Sorry, I was miles away."""

"What type of cheese can you see in a mirror? Halloumi! (Hello me)"

"If you can't concentrate, rub your nipples. It won't help, but concentration is overrated anyway. You know who likes concentration? Nazis."

"Cancer isn't so bad It'll grow on you"

"A Maritimer in a bar once asked me if I had ever tried Moosehead. I said ""No, but I've had some pretty grizzly pussy in my day."""

"Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo Today ? Apparently they still have 500 million users."

"What do you call a 45 pound Ethiopian? Fat."

"If you ever meet me please remember that I literally have a headache all the time"

"Cup of coffe Patient: ""I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee."" Doctor: ""Try taking the spoon out."""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number...you've probably never heard of it."