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Joke of the Day
"I like my women like I like my whiskey.. Inanimate."
Next Joke
"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."
"I went to the store today to stock up on bread, beer, and Captain Morgan just in case Hurricane Sandy decides to double back to NC..... Always good to be prepared..."
"Don't worry if a fat guy comes to kidnap you... I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you."
"You never realize how boring life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun."
"Me: guess who i saw today? Batman: who? M: not your parents B: Y do you always do this? M: cause they told me to B: who? M: not your parents"
"Netflix is all, ""Do you want to watch a bunch of crappy documentaries? No?? Well how about if we charged you $9 a month to watch them??"""
"Is it wrecked or love My cell was 14 % and my gf cell was 97 % she put out my cell from charging and kept her cell and start playing temple run on my cell..."
"What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato? An absolute ruler"
"Why are there no awards for excellence in betas? Because no one wants to be the master beta tester."