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Joke of the Day

"Is it wrecked or love My cell was 14 % and my gf cell was 97 % she put out my cell from charging and kept her cell and start playing temple run on my cell..."

"Wonders why women spend so much on sunglasses? Wouldn't it be cheaper to tint the kitchen windows?"

"What's a martini's favorite garnish? Olive 'em!"

"An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history."

"Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess."

"Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now."

"Teachers in school told me I wouldn't amount to anything, now i'm laughing all the way to the bank... To dispute my most recent overdraft fee"

"You know what they say about not arguing with stupid... People on the outside might not be able to tell the difference, so go ahead and delete all your liberal friends on facebook."

"[hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it"

"How do you endanger the fly species? Slap an African child."