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Joke of the Day

"Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do? Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. ""Oh damn, shots fired!"" But not by the pizza guy."

"What is a politician's favorite kind of tea? Infideli-tea."

"Did you know that 50% of the Chinese have cataracts? The rest drive rincolns."

"Scientists say you're more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents If anyone sees any German snipers let me know"

"Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman."

"Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL? Because there's a Giant fan in every seat."

"The only way that meal could have been more disappointing is if it were an M. Night Shyamalan film."

"What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM? It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care."

"I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"How did the polish terrorist burn his lips? Burned them on a cars tailpipe when he tried blowing it up."