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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he is too short to be an essay!"

"Apparently googling ""how to get suspended with pay"" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer."

"How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero? 0K"

"What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippy chick? A hockey player showers after 3 periods."

"""Everything the light touches is ours,"" I tell my son while opening the fridge."

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds"

"Knock knock. Who's there? The Spanish Inquisition."

"While it paints me to say this... I'm really not much of an artist."

"If you're 17 and your 200 year old lover won't turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he's just not that into you."