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Joke of the Day

"The only way that meal could have been more disappointing is if it were an M. Night Shyamalan film."

"What is a Russian man's favourite Justin Timberlake song? Crimea River"

"How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? It isn't hard"

"[boarding plane with really old pilot] ""think his heart will hold out? lol"" attendent: excuse me, sir? ""depart out, what time do we leave?"""

"My Dirty apartment..... Is so messy I cant even get in with out my discovery pass."

"What did the statue say to the chair? Chair? Statue?! :D"

"I got a thesaurus the other day, but all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am!"

"Psst. Don't refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your 'team of writers'."

"Damn, Girl, are you a rollercoaster? 'cause everyone is talking about the ride..."

"My productivity at work has gone down 43% since corporate bought me a swivel chair."