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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children"

"Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym."

"A car dealership twice the size... ...can offer a whole lot more."

"What do you call a baby bull? A bully!"

"USA: ""Hey nachos, today's your big day!"" Nachos: ""What about Cinco de Mayo?"" USA: ""What'd you just say?"" Nachos: ""Nothing."""

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"What dinosaur has the best vocabulary? The bronthesaurus."

"What's the difference between your mom and your dad? Your dad still sucks dick."

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain't no sandwiches either."