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Joke of the Day
"W.I.F.E Will Investigate & Find out Everything"
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"I'm not a narcissist. Narcissists spend their time looking at themselves in the mirror. I don't need to do that to know I look fabulous."
"Congratulations to the new Miss America! Now please answer your phone, I need tech support."
"A man has a heart attack on a plane. The man who was sitting next to him stood up and shouted""Is anyone here a doctor"" The woman in front of them then stood up and shouted ""I'm a vegan!""."
"Twitter: Where if the chemistry's good, the geography won't be.."
"[First day of prison] ""Hey man. Wanna be in our gang?"" Sure, I'll call you. Just give me your cell number *gets stabbed*"
"If you're an American in the living room what are you in the bathroom? European."
"What is it called when Albert Einstein masturbates? A stroke of genius."
"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."
"Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness? Me: [wearing my wife's wedding dress] laundry"