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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix birth Control and Lsd? A good trip without kids."

"What do you call a seamstress who makes things up? A *fabric*ator. It was a slow day at work..."

"Cause of death: Very rough shirt tag"

"I'm a really big supporter of gay marriage... Mostly because I believe one day there will be a law that will allow you to shoot gay guys. And when that day comes, it will be much easier to find them."

"Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?"

"[God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say ""when"" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*"

"A man walks into a bar... And says ""ouch""."

"If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist black people would rob me."

"What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? The Wheelchair."

"Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat."