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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? One can finish a race."

"I made an app that tells you were people with dwarfism are at all times. I can't be the only one thinking of the imp-locations."

"I went to the doctor last week for a bad headache When he reached for his pen to write my prescription, he pulled out a rectal thermometer. ""Shit"", he said, ""Some asshole has my pen."""

"When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart."

"I like to ask the waiter, ""What do you recommend?"" then stare at him angrily while I order something completely different."

"[moments after time traveling to 1863] LINCOLN: four score & seven years ago ME: [behind a tree] JUST SAY IT NORMAL"

"Happy Birthday, black Jesus."

"what do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!"

"Is your refrigerator running? Because I would vote for it."

"What do a gynecologist and a pizza guy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it."